[And 25 Other Things You Will Never Hear Uttered In White America]
From the people who brought you “No More Fried Chicken” [And 25 Other Things You Will Never Hear Uttered In Black America] comes this new post. We decided to compile another list...this time we take a look at utterances from a different cultural perspective.
2. “In all honesty, I’m ecstatic about that Black family moving in next door.”
3. “Who cleaned the chitterlings?”
4. "We named our son Billy, after his father, William, but we just call him Junebug."
5. "Why should I lock my car door? That hoodie-wearing Black gentleman approaching is most certainly a law abiding citizen."
6.
"Hmmm, oversized cartoon character fuzzy slippers. The label says to
only wear them indoors but I wear all the rest of my shoes wherever I
go, including outdoors. Why should these be any different?"
7. “What’s up, my nigga?”
8. “Tabasco sauce? No thanks. Do you have any Frank’s RedHot or Louisiana Brand hot sauce?”
9. “What is mayonnaise?”
10. “Louis Farrakhan has so many valid points. His logic is simply irrefutable.”
11. “I changed my last name to Muhammad because Hinkelstein was my slave name.”
12. “Domino, mothaf*cka!”
13.
“Daniel, when you’re finished frying that bacon, let me know. I’m
going to pour the grease in that coffee can on the stove. That’s
perfectly good bacon grease.”
14. “Bob Seger? Who the hell is Bob Seger?”
15. “So, then J.J. told Thelma & Michael...”
16. “Watch my footwork.”
17. “I know my waves got you seasick! It’s the Dax.”
18. “Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson are fine representatives for us all.”
19. “I actually believe that O.J. didn’t do it.”
20.
“I’m currently working as an insurance agent, but when my mixtape comes
out next month, I’m going to transition into rapping full time.”
21. “I want your mothaf*ckin' Daytons and your mothaf*ckin' stereo. And I'll take a double burger with cheese.”
22. “When I said it I meant Never Ignorant Gettin’ Goals Accomplished!”
23.
“I'll take the large fried chicken gizzards platter with... hold on,
does that comes with fries? OK, well yeah, I'll take that with the hot
sauce on the side... and can I get an extra slice of white bread with
that? Cool. And for the drink, I'll just take a Pineapple Faygo.”
24. “Becky, look at her butt…”
25. “I can’t wait for Soul Plane 3 to come out!”
26.
“Preach should have understood that it was just in Cochise’s nature to
get the girls. He meant no malice. Sad they never had the chance to iron
out their differences. And Stony and Rob, had they been open to having a
conversation about how Preach and Cochise were released from jail,
would have understood and never needed to retaliate.”
Monday, June 18, 2012
Tuesday, June 5, 2012
...about "No More Fried Chicken"
[And 25 Other Things You Will Never Hear Uttered in Black America]
A.D.: Since that challenge to an Official Fried Chicken Frying Contest, I've been thinking about some things. One has been, what would happen if, while preparing for the event, chicken stopped being sold. Can you imagine having to tell folks, “Sorry, no more fried chicken. Ever.”? We should write a book...about things like that. Things you would likely never hear a black person say...
Blake: I heard “No More Fried Chicken” once, but it was because it was all gone.
A: That is the prologue of the book...first paragraph, first line.
2. “No, I know that she's promiscuous, but I'm pretty sure the baby is mine, and I'm more than willing to take care of her and the child, but only after I propose, she says yes and we're married.”
3. “I'd love to buy these 24 inch rims but my budget currently shows that my income is needed elsewhere and ignoring that fact would be financially irresponsible.”
4. “I don't play basketball, and never really got into rap music.”
5. “What is this Cognac you speak of drinking? I've never heard of that before ever.”
6. “I would take advantage of your current markdown on Newports but I’m not a fan of menthol.”
7. “The fact that everyone is going to buy that pair of shoes actually makes me not want to purchase them.”
8. “No sir, it would be unethical if I purchased that LINK card from you. I'm not in need of government assistance.”
9. “I would rather pay full price. Your employee discount is clearly reserved for employees of your establishment. Using it for my purchase would be wrong.”
10. “Turn up that Bob Seger record. I just love Bob Seger!”
11. “Excuse me waiter, to reward you for your excellent service, I'd like to add an additional amount to my original bill to be paid specifically to you.”
12. “It appears that there has been an oversight on your part and you’ve given me back too much change. So that your register isn’t off at the end of your workday, please take this back.”
13. “I know that my cellular phone service could be restored if I put the bill in my child’s name, but that would be extremely selfish. Not to mention, it would probably ruin my child’s credit and most likely take him multiple years to clear up.”
14. “No hot sauce for me.”
15. “I actually do have a genuine love for these women of ill repute.”
16. “Thanks for the offer sir, but the content on that DVD is most certainly pirated. I know this because that particular movie is still in theaters. I'd much rather wait until retail stores release the official DVD, that way, the parties involved with the creation of the film are ensured proper credit for their contributions.”
17. “What Michael Vick did made me sick to my stomach. Those dogs had rights just like any of us.”
18. “I actually believe that O.J. didn’t do it.”
19. “Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson are fine representatives for us all.”
20. “Subject/verb agreement is important to me. And, I’m also interested in all other aspects of proper grammar, thank you very much.”
21. “My plan isn’t to be on government assistance permanently. It’s only provided as a tool to get people through temporary periods of struggle. It’d be dishonest for me to stay on it any longer than I have to.”
22. “Barack Obama was wrong about that.”
23. “So, I was reading this book the other day...”
25. “This political season is marred by negative attack ads, but from everything that I've been reading and hearing regarding the state of the economy and America's foreign policy--the issues I'm primarily concerned with presently--I'm pretty sure I know which candidate I'll be voting for.”
26. “You may refer to me as a bitch, but whatever you do, don’t ever refer to me as a ‘bad bitch.’ That’s just disrespectful.”
A.D.: Since that challenge to an Official Fried Chicken Frying Contest, I've been thinking about some things. One has been, what would happen if, while preparing for the event, chicken stopped being sold. Can you imagine having to tell folks, “Sorry, no more fried chicken. Ever.”? We should write a book...about things like that. Things you would likely never hear a black person say...
Blake: I heard “No More Fried Chicken” once, but it was because it was all gone.
A: That is the prologue of the book...first paragraph, first line.
2. “No, I know that she's promiscuous, but I'm pretty sure the baby is mine, and I'm more than willing to take care of her and the child, but only after I propose, she says yes and we're married.”
3. “I'd love to buy these 24 inch rims but my budget currently shows that my income is needed elsewhere and ignoring that fact would be financially irresponsible.”
4. “I don't play basketball, and never really got into rap music.”
5. “What is this Cognac you speak of drinking? I've never heard of that before ever.”
6. “I would take advantage of your current markdown on Newports but I’m not a fan of menthol.”
7. “The fact that everyone is going to buy that pair of shoes actually makes me not want to purchase them.”
8. “No sir, it would be unethical if I purchased that LINK card from you. I'm not in need of government assistance.”
9. “I would rather pay full price. Your employee discount is clearly reserved for employees of your establishment. Using it for my purchase would be wrong.”
10. “Turn up that Bob Seger record. I just love Bob Seger!”
11. “Excuse me waiter, to reward you for your excellent service, I'd like to add an additional amount to my original bill to be paid specifically to you.”
12. “It appears that there has been an oversight on your part and you’ve given me back too much change. So that your register isn’t off at the end of your workday, please take this back.”
13. “I know that my cellular phone service could be restored if I put the bill in my child’s name, but that would be extremely selfish. Not to mention, it would probably ruin my child’s credit and most likely take him multiple years to clear up.”
14. “No hot sauce for me.”
15. “I actually do have a genuine love for these women of ill repute.”
16. “Thanks for the offer sir, but the content on that DVD is most certainly pirated. I know this because that particular movie is still in theaters. I'd much rather wait until retail stores release the official DVD, that way, the parties involved with the creation of the film are ensured proper credit for their contributions.”
17. “What Michael Vick did made me sick to my stomach. Those dogs had rights just like any of us.”
18. “I actually believe that O.J. didn’t do it.”
19. “Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson are fine representatives for us all.”
20. “Subject/verb agreement is important to me. And, I’m also interested in all other aspects of proper grammar, thank you very much.”
21. “My plan isn’t to be on government assistance permanently. It’s only provided as a tool to get people through temporary periods of struggle. It’d be dishonest for me to stay on it any longer than I have to.”
22. “Barack Obama was wrong about that.”
23. “So, I was reading this book the other day...”
24. “Now son, I want you to go to timeout in the corner and think about what you’ve done.”
25. “This political season is marred by negative attack ads, but from everything that I've been reading and hearing regarding the state of the economy and America's foreign policy--the issues I'm primarily concerned with presently--I'm pretty sure I know which candidate I'll be voting for.”
26. “You may refer to me as a bitch, but whatever you do, don’t ever refer to me as a ‘bad bitch.’ That’s just disrespectful.”
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